The Will: Why the One They Have Is Probably Not Enough
By Jennifer Saless | LanternForFamilies.com
Most parents have a will. Very few have the right will for where they actually are in life right now.
My parents had a will. They had written it twenty years before they moved in with us, back when they owned a home, had different investments, and were thinking about the kind of "just in case" scenarios that feel abstract when you are healthy and in your fifties.
It was a perfectly good will for the people they were then.
It was not the right will for two people in their eighties who were actively thinking about their final years, living in a new state, and preparing to transition into senior living.
When I suggested they visit an elder care attorney and update it, my dad resisted. They already had a will. An elder care attorney is expensive. What was the point?
The way I finally got him to agree was the same way I got him to agree to most hard things: I told him the truth. I said, "Dad, I am the one who is going to be handling everything when you are gone or when you need help. I need this to be done so that my job is as easy as possible." He never wanted to be a burden. That was always the key.
He agreed. And it was one of the best things we ever did together.
What the appointment actually looked like
I went with them. That was important — not just for them, but for me. I needed to hear everything firsthand so I could communicate it accurately to my out of state brothers later. I needed to be a witness to their wishes in a way that no document fully captures.
My dad had questions. He had thought about putting some money into a trust. The attorney answered everything clearly, walked them through their options, and helped them make decisions that actually reflected where they were in life — not where they had been twenty years ago.
What came out of that process was remarkable in its simplicity. A complete updated will, powers of attorney, medical directives, all of their end of life wishes documented and discussed openly — between my parents, between us and the attorney, and later between my brothers and me.
The attorney put everything together in a binder with a flash drive containing every document.
I carried that binder with me for the last three months of my dad's life. I still keep it close for my mom.
The thing even we got wrong
Here is what surprised us — and we thought we knew everything.
After my dad passed, my brothers and I discovered that power of attorney does not work the way most families assume. It is not a responsibility that can be divided by task. It is not "you handle the medical decisions and I'll handle the finances." It is all or nothing. One person holds it. Only if that person is unwilling or unable does it pass to the next person in line.
Hospitals want a copy. Banks want a copy. The senior living facility wants a copy. Every institution that touches your parent's life will ask for a photocopy of the power of attorney and the medical power of attorney at some point. Keep them accessible. Keep multiple copies. You will use them more than you expect.
Know who holds power of attorney before you need to use it — and make sure that person understands the full weight of what they are holding. It is not a shared role. It is a singular responsibility.
Why this conversation is a gift, not a burden
The most valuable thing that came out of updating my parents' will was not the document itself. It was the conversations.
My parents were able to talk openly about their end of life wishes — how they wanted things handled, what mattered to them, what didn't — while they were healthy enough to have those conversations clearly and calmly. My brothers and I knew. There was no guessing later. There was no conflict. There was just a family that had done the hard work early enough to make the hard moments easier.
That is what a current, properly prepared will gives your family. Not just legal protection. Peace.
What to do this week
Find your parents' will and look at when it was written. If it is more than ten years old, or if their life has changed significantly since then, it needs to be updated.
Search for an elder care attorney in their area — not just any estate attorney, but one who specializes in elder law. They understand the specific issues that come with aging, Medicaid planning, and end of life preparation.
Go with them to the appointment if you can. You need to hear this firsthand.
Make sure the will addresses power of attorney and medical power of attorney clearly — and that everyone in the family knows who holds these and what they mean.
Get multiple certified copies of the POA and medical POA. Keep one in a binder you can grab quickly. Give copies to their doctors, their bank, and their living facility.
Have the conversation with your siblings about who holds what role — before there is a crisis that forces the conversation.
One more thing
This is not just about your parents.
Do you have a will? Does your spouse? Do the people who love you know what you want?
My parents gave me the gift of watching them do this well. I went home and started my own planning shortly after. You are not too young. You are not too healthy. You are not too busy.
The best time to do this was ten years ago. The second best time is now.
If this resonated with you, subscribe to Lantern for Families for your free stage-by-stage guide to navigating aging parents — from the first signs of decline through end of life and beyond. Written by someone who has lived every stage of it. www.LanternForFamilies.com
This guide is for informational purposes only and does not constitute legal, financial, or medical advice. Every family's situation is different. Please consult qualified professionals — including an elder law attorney, financial advisor, or medical provider — before making decisions about your parent's care.
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